- Parent as a team, so your relationship is not worn thin but is actually strengthened by this new challenge
- Continue to see each other primarily as lovers before you see each other as a co-parent. having a child is so exciting and is so important, sometimes the couple is so engaged in being parents together, they let go of the romantic part of their relationship. DO NOT put the child as a priority over the marriage. this may sound controversial, but if you think about it, a strong marriage is the basis of a strong parenting team. I quote Theodore Hesburgh:“The most important thing a father can do for his children is love their mother”. it’s true
- Do not let conflicts or frustrations turn into hurt. quickly seek to repair the damage. as soon as the anger and tension has dissipated, patch things up. this might mean apologizing, but sometimes all it takes is for one of the people to initiate conversation again or doing something silly to make the other person laugh. obviously, that would have to be after the anger has completely sizzled down
- Make time for each other, make it a priority and not something you hope to “slip in” somewhere or eventually get to. have date nights, even if it means paying for childcare. schedule it like a real appointment!
- Resume sex life–not just the act of having sex, but all the kissing and snuggling that used to happen before the pregnancy. I realize this is easier said than done, it is an uphill battle. it is especially hard if the mom is not feeling attractive, or when the child is going through medical issues.
- When it feels like there isn’t enough romance, try to find have an intimate moment with each other. hold each other’s hands. look into each other’s eyes. cuddle up closer to each other and whisper in their ear. you must jump on opportunities quickly, because as you know, your kids have endless energy and they want every single last drop of your attention
aww, look how cute the baby is! these parents have a handful … (if they had hands)
Elvina Lui, M.A., MFT
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist MFC#51046
2603 Camino Ramon Suite 409
San Ramon, CA 94583
“Professional, Evidence Based Relationship Counseling Helping Couples Regain Intimacy and Satisfaction”